she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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