I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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