that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
