Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
