This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
