So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is wine microwaveable?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
