my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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