Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
