Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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