I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
