Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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