my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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