Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
