you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
