new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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