Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smell like Dick and happiness
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