The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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