i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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