Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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