You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.