it hurts more in the daytime
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.