Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over