Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.