How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My life is pants optional.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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