He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.