you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
reminds me of losing my job
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.