My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
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there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity