Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.