I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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