My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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