his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Enjoy the penises
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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