So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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