I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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