I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Terrible idea I love it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
