SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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