I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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