I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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