3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
