She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
