3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
