I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize