There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
