are you still at the devil's house?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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