Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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