The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
