I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
