I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
