Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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