Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just tell him i said nine months
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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