It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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