Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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