Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
