bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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