Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize