Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
