eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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