I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The adults are the big ones right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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