Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
