Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
