I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
