I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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