i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
