if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and she was petting her beer can
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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