I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
