My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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