I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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