Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i came on her dog
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
