Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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