I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
