Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He has the fingertips of a God
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
