I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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