Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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