WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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