I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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