There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
