How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
