I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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