i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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