so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
